Fighting entropy

Benji won on So You Think You Can Dance!

I wanted Travis or Heidi to win sooo much :( I <3 Travis. I love Benji, though...he's so much a showman. The two are unbelievable. The best peformance, though, of the night for me was Ivan and Allison's contemporary piece. SO BEAUTIFUL. *sniffle* Seriously...those two made my heart pitter-patter, and feel achy all at the same time. I wanted to cry.  I also loved their (not performed tonight) hip-hop routine to "Sexy Love" (see below!).

Donyelle is a terrible dancer and moves like a clumsy elephant... so I wasn't happy that she made it that far, but whatever, she's a good person.

did I mention there are SO many hot guys on that show? gah... delicious...if I could meet ONE guy who looked like one of them, AND danced like one of them, I'd be a very happy girl...

back to your regularly scheduled night!

Ne-yo - sexy love

So I thought I'd update... ya know, since I haven't in a while. I'm glad everyone enjoyed my little poll. I don't know if I'm any good at lap dances, actually, having never given one before, but I think with the right song, the right attire, and the right amount of *ahem* spirits in me, I'd be pretty good ;)
Too bad I have no one to give one to... :(

I'm trying not to let "that" ruin my life right now though...as much as it tries to.

Stats is dunzo as of today. It was actually pretty crap-tacular, as I only had 3 hours to put together my final project, study for the final, and get down to RVCC to take the test. That's what I get for sleeping late after getting home at 3 AM...figures. I kinda sucked a bit on the project, not really caring too much about getting everything perfect and also wading through this program I really don't give a shit about but it did all the calculations and made all the graphs for me. Damn, that was a long sentence. Don't feel like editing...moving on...
The test itself was eh. I did as much as I could on my TI-83 (good 'ol reliable friend) and did the rest by flipping through the book to find the right equation or flowchart to use. At one point, I was in a jam; I couldn't figure out how to use the "list" feature on the calculator, but I made an executive decision. I figured it was better to fuck around with the calculator and try to get a list entered rather than try to do the whole goddamn Z-test or whatever by hand start to finish. And in the end, I was right, because even though I took AP Calc 5 years ago (dayum!), I remembered how to get that sucker to do my bidding. Victory!

Anyway, I don't care about that class other than passing it... so hurrah. Fuck... I do need to get down there tomorrow and fill out a transcript form, though.

I'm moving on Friday; I have so much packing to do tomorrow *_* I get to pick up my new kitty, Tommy, too! More on him later after I move in and take pictures of him for a proper introduction :).

I got my dog/cat illustrated color anatomy atlas today in the mail (finally). It's MUY cool, and I don't know where to start *_*. I was told muscle insertions onto bones, but maybe just learning all the bones first...? The rest of my textbooks should be in the mail and I should get them after I move in. All the supplies I'll get with Michele, Bari, and Jared as a group to save on shipping. I can't wait to get my stethescope....bwhahah....

So yeah, vet school soon...gonna be pretty crazy! I'm looking forward to bonding more w/ the Cornell group as well as branching out a bit. I do want to check out Boston, of course, to see what kinda guys they have there, since there will be very few at vet school. I need distractions to keep my mind off of Matt...and help ease the pain. It still hurts. I know it will. It'll take time.

One good thing is that they need equine-savvy students for the clinical skills classes to show everyone else how to do basic horse handling/restraint/etc. I think I know enough to do that (and I definitely can do all of the things the Dean listed), so I volunteered. I hope I get chosen to do that so I can help everyone else! (Ok, and show off a little... so sue me if I'm excited about doing something I love in front of a lot of people).

Yeah, I guess things aren't so hopelessly depressing as they were a week ago, or even 5 days ago... but life goes on, and I really just want to get this move done with safely and as smoothly as possible...

That's all for now.

EDIT:

What was the first movie you remember seeing in a movie theater? 
Question submitted by mainmor.

The Little Mermaid... and I remember crying at it too!  Wow, that was a great movie.

Back from the Lake... what a short trip.
Wednesday I woke up after getting in from work at 2:30 AM, then fed the cats, finished updating my iPod, and threw my shit in the car.

I talked to James on the way, which was nice, and got there around dinnertime despite some traffic on the thruway. I didn't feel like eating, though, because I was pretty damn depressed, so I just cried a bit, and then fell asleep.

Thursday I woke up and went to Saratoga. It was great being back there and seeing all the horses. This year I really figured out the races, but due to the new betting software, I didn't really hit the bets the way I wanted to. I was pretty pissed when I wanted a 1-12 box exacta in the last race but ended up getting a plain exacta...and missing out on $162. Booo. I had that shit figured out... anyway I lost about $40 of my own money, so that sucked, but it was good hanging out w/ my dad and seeing horses again. No horses I knew ran from Cornell, but oh well.

Friday I didn't really do anything... I sat around all day and listened to music, drank a beer, did sudoku puzzles, took a nap, and talked to Sofia and Kate and saw her new baby, Ezra. Crazy...people not much older than me having babies and such. Ugh. Makes me feel old, and like a stick-in-the-mud. We went to dinner at Marty's for mexican. It was delicious food, but yet again, compared to everyone, I feel like all I have to talk about is school or animals... yay for being the boring one.

And here we are, Saturday... I got up, had coffee and eggs, and came home.
On the ride home I called work to confirm coming in at 2 tomorrow instead of 12 (ugh) and returned Matt's call. Yeah... I quickly broke down, sobbing while going 80 on the thruway, about how I couldn't just leave him like that, and how badly I'm taking this. I honestly am happy that he's happy and going onto pursue bigger and better things; it just kills me though, that he's left, and will be leaving my life. It kills me to think that he'll love someone else...
This particular Snow Patrol song really resonated with me:

Snow Patrol - You Could Be Happy

1 comment

I saw his pictures on Facebook of him going out and enjoying the night life with all his new friends... he looks so happy...so gorgeous.  I really hope they all value him as much as I do.  The feeling I get when I look at them is a mixture of happiness, jealousy, longing, and pain... and it all comes out as nausea.  Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better....

I'm depressed.

Fuck.

What is your favorite cover song?
Question submitted by Ray.

First song that comes to mind is "Boys Of Summer" covered by the Ataris.  Second one that comes to mind is "Crazy In Love" by Snow Patrol, originally sung by Beyonce and Jay-Z.  Check it out.

Snow patrol - crazy in love

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I just talked to Matt. He's having a terrific time...

and I'm miserable. I come home from a long day at work, needing emotional/physical support, and I just get a house full of hungry cats. I have no one to talk to, no one to hug, and no one to care for me. It sucks.

I have so much to do, I have no time to enjoy the time to myself. I can't sit and watch a movie; I have errands to do. I can't sit and read a book; I have stats to study.
Tomorrow I have to take Ollie to the vet (he's still sick), take my stats test, and go to work. Then, I can get to the Adirondacks and join the rest of civilization.
But then afer that, I'm back home again until I move to Massachusetts... but I still feel all alone now.

"Just get it done" Matt says about the things I have to do. He tells me it'll be great in vet school. I don't doubt him. It's just that it's so easy to say that from where he is.

He's not the one who was left behind by everyone...

He's not alone. I am... so alone.

Today was pretty good at work... I messed up giving Metronidazole to one cat, so that pretty much sucks. I hope he'll be okay. I really feel bad about it. There was a full house again, with so many cases it was hard to keep track of things and we spend most of the time going from patient to patient doing treatments. This obese old yellow lab with terrible skin was just depressed yesterday and refused to get up/stand. Today, she was aggressive and bit my thumb. It seriously came out of nowhere... luckily it didn't break the skin and I think I'll be bruised, but okay.

I got like no sleep lastnight because Jack was poking around my room all night, making murmuring noises and talking to himself. He was trying to get in my closet, under my carpet, in every bag...it was so annoying. I woke up with Oliver on my back this morning when my alarm went off. It was weird... Tabitha and Ollie have shared my bed before, but Ollie has never slept on my back like that before. Usually Tabby and Ollie are next to me or behind my knees or something. Weird. I guess they're acting differently since I wasn't at home to entertain them, so they're more active at night.
They also could just be mad at me, or affectionate, and showing it in a different way.

God, I'm exhausted. 26 hrs of work in 48 hrs. Whew.

Time for bed... tomorrow I have to go to the store, install iTunes on my new computer, upload all my songs from my external HD to said computer, and also learn chapters 6 and 7 for stats. Yippee.

It's just me and the cats tomorrow again...

So Matt is gone and things are pretty sucky because of it...

Still, life goes on.

I actually got a 95 on my last stats test despite learning all of the material the day of. Not too bad. But for an open-book exam, you'd expect as much.

Today I worked a lot, but it went by quickly. It was a dermatology day, with lots of dogs with hotspots. There were also lots of ear infection dogs, so I got to practice my ear cleaning techniques. We sold a lot of Otomax today. I started the day off with a bang by finding a mast cell tumor on the sternum/axillary region of a cat who came in for blood dripping from its anus. Its anal sacs were full, but not bloody. Neither did it have blood in its urine... I picked up the cat and quickly found the lump, which we ended up excising. It was a good catch, I was told, especially since we were going to send her home with antibiotics and no real cause of the blood.

The other cases were pretty standard for a Saturday at Animerge; puppy with broken leg, vomiting with bloody diarrhea, lethargy, chocolate ingestion (by a dog named Coco no less), etc. You know. We did have a Bichon give birth; that was pretty cool.

Well, I work again tomorrow, but from 12-12. I find that shift to be a lot easier than 2-2 on a Sunday. Things really start to drag after midnight.

It's kind of depressing right now because my family has all left for Indian Lake in the Adirondacks, leaving me at home with my 4 cats. I really feel like a cat lady now, having no boyfriend to talk to, and working all day/late to come home to a house of hungry (yet affectionate) cats. It's sorta lonely.

I think about Matt a lot and how he's enjoying Scotland. How cool must it be to have an experience like that... going to school in a different country. I've always wanted to, and I guess some day I will get to do more than vacation abroad for a week. Someday. Matt called me from Dublin this morning, though. It was really sweet... his voice makes me feel really happy, and my heart pangs a little every time I see his smile.

It's pretty late now but I really want to install iTunes on my computer downstairs. Oh well... Monday, I guess.

The weather was so nice today...wish I could enjoy it for once, instead of staying inside.